omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
