I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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