I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
