My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
