I smell stomach acid.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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