If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
