My room smells like vodka and shame
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
