just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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