gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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