Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
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he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
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Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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