I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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