sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
