Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
