I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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