Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
