the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
