I skipped work to stalk him.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
