There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
