# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
