That's intense
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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