I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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