I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
