hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I need moral support for this bender
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
