Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
