Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
