Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Also, beer. Big fan.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
