dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
