did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
