I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
the day after is always just damage control
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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