went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
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You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
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there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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