I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
