sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
