I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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