Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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