Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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