But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
