before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
