3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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