yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
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I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
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Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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