I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
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You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
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I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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