No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
