My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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