an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
