no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
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turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
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My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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