I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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