her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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