God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
