is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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