All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
