theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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