THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
