3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
