so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
