somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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