On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
