I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
