So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
