summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
