FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
