I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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