I heard we made out
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
