i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
