you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
