My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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