Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
im holly from the hills drunk
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
