Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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