I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
