I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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