Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
