So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
