her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
youre lurking in front of me
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
