Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
