Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
