She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
