pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize