1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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